How to mass murder with impunity — taking lessons from Israel’s war on terror

It’s quite simple, really. It consists of three very simple steps:

1. Create the Boogeyman. The more beard, the better of course.
2. Make the Catastrophe. If a few pawns get sacrificed in the process, it’s for the greater good anyway.
3. Unleash the Hero Defence Force (HDF). Anything’s game after this point.

Rinse and repeat.

Let me elaborate a little, because it really is an art.

STEP 1: Creating the Boogeyman — birthing the seeds of evil, one acre at a time.

How do you create pure, senseless and limitless evil? You don’t, because there is no such thing. Instead, you create the illusion, and that is very easy to do.

• The art of acquisition: take what’s not yours, almost always by force. You now control their land and (sense of) freedom, and you can gradually start to put a house here and there or just take one from over there on the hill, and invite your uncle and aunt from the states to live there “temporarily” *wink wink*.
• The art of persuasion: promise often, and break them each time. You now control their hopes and aspirations, or lack thereof. But keep promising 10 state solutions, no (more) land grabs and equitable system for all, cause you’re a democracy after all right? *wink wink*
• The art of debasement: convince the world that the “other” is less than human. You now control their image and identity, or the illusion portrayed of it to the sheep en masse, at least.

Congratulations, you’ve got yourself a ready-made boogeyman. The awesome thing about this boogeyman is that no matter what they do, it will magically just appear as pure evil. Sick innit?! It’s a good thing you invested all that money into buying out the media, cause it’s paying big bucks now. Your “good” guys will always be referred to as getting murdered, whereas the “bad” guys will just somehow “die” *wink wink* —they’re just so fragile, honest.

There have been many notable boogeymen over the years, each to suit a particular purpose. But there is no doubt that the most effective ones are the beardos. No racism involved, of course, just stating the facts so you know which ones to pick for the maximum effect.

STEP 2: Making the Catastrophe — the grander the better, naturally.

Why do we need a catastrophe, you may ask? Well, it’s quite simple. You see, there comes a point where it’s not enough to simply dominate, subjugate, and profit from the “other” guys. It’s not enough to control every facet of their life and keep them under your boot for their entire pathetic and miserable lives. It’s not even enough to constantly humiliate, torture, maim and kill the little insects. There comes a point in one’s life when he demands, no, NEEDS more. It’s no longer enough to squish the cockroaches one by one. Their very sight boils the blood, and their presence, hell existence even, is suddenly an unbearable thought. That’s when you know that enough is not enough, and much more needs to be done. This is a time for extermination.

And here is the conundrum. You don’t want to get your shiny white jacket dirty. After all, it’s what brings in the big bucks. You are the beacon of justice, the shining ray of light in a world of darkness, the wonder woman protecting the world against the cockroach infestation. You are the good guy (I know, I know, wonder woman, good guy, just roll with it, anything’s possible these days). And this is why you need the bad guy to do something dick dastardly evil so that you can come to the rescue. You need the boogeyman. Oh and before we forget, by rescue we don’t literally mean rescue, of course. Remember — a few pawns are worth the sacrifice for the greater good? You get the point? *wink wink*

But you’re in for another surprise, and it’s to do with your dear boogeyman that you created a few years back. What was his name again? Hamashkin? Talibar? Osanawana? Anyway, back to the boogeyman, what is the problem? The problem is that they somehow always forget their role! It’s quite infuriating, really. No matter how many times you do it, they never deliver. To be honest, it’s a bit difficult for them to DO ANYTHING when you control everything from the land they live in and the water they drink, to the fuel they can bring in and the electricity they can use, but still is a little bit of intuitiveness and ingenuity too much to ask for? In the end, you will have to “craft” the “conditions” and the “means” for the catastrophe yourself. Catch my drift? No? OK then, here’s a step by step manual that should help you out:

• Control everything, but turn a blind eye here and there. You can’t expect the world to pour in their sympathies if the boogeyman just throws grass and dirt at you. Always remember that fireworks make the display, so leave a few of them rocket-launching sites in tact, for posterity’s sake. And anyway, you’ve got the Steel Cone so no harm done (but don’t forget to cry and wine all the same and remember the puppy eyes, the puppy eyes).
• Ignore the intel if the intel is about the intel that you have no interest in receiving the intel about. And especially be aware of the Egyptians, those shoe-lickers will always try to gain favours by “informing” you about catastrophes beforehand. So annoying, but tolerable, just.
• Go in guns blazing and wipe out everything when you respond to the catastrophe. Of course, don’t go in too quick, or you’ll just turn it into a mini event. No, it needs to be a catastrophe, so wait a little. And when you’re killing the boogeymen, don’t worry too much about “straying” the bullets here and there if it helps the numbers game. Pawns are pawns at the end of the day.
• Finally, use the art of deception. Your buddies at BBD, ENN, Gox, Tky and all those others you bought for pennies will help you sell any work of fiction that your twisted mind can conjure up, and you know you’re pretty crafty right? Beheaded babies, raped corpses, targeted civilian killings, these are just for starters. If you put in some effort, you can come up with some truly creative stuff. Just learn from us. We can make the world believe that baby cockroaches throwing stones against usurpers are terrorists and should be tried in military court and then locked up for life.

Just believe in yourself and anything’s possible.

STEP 3: Unleashing the Hero Defence Force (HDF) — and making sure they have full charge on their phones cause those bad boys are gonna be making some sick TikToks!

You’ve done the most difficult part. You’ve convinced the world that the cockroaches are not only bad, but need to be exterminated, totally! They’ve bought your puppy eyes (once again), stood up in support of your defence, and given you the green signal to kill the cockroaches, but only the cockroaches OK? Don’t be going around killing the ants, the flies and all that stuff. None of that crazy stuff, they tell you. And you happily oblige, because you do not target civilians, ever. *wink wink*

Take a moment to appreciate what you’ve just achieved. You’ve convinced the sheep that a thief can continue to steal, a rapist can continue to rape, a murderer can continue to kill; and not only that; but that the perpetrator is actually the victim. Boy, that’s some sick inversion of reality stuff! Pat on the back, pat on the back.

But don’t get too ahead of yourself just yet, because there is another problem. Your much heralded, pride of the nation, defenders of justice HDF, is not exactly, shall we say, the “bravest” of compatriots? But who can blame them? The terror of stones raining down on you is enough to make any grown man tremble, let alone the slightly less than manly pride of the nation and defenders of justice. Sometimes even wearing full body armour with matching helmets, grenades in pockets, armoured trucks at the ready, and multiple guns dangling by the side is not enough to resist succumbing to the terror of baby cockroaches raising their fists. Case in point, don’t you just shudder at the sight of the horrible beast in red? Oh, that’s gonna give me nightmares for a few days!

So, what to do? It would be so simple if your guys could just barge in and take care of business and just throw in the golden catchphrase of the century when asked about the death of innocent ants and flies:

“There was Hamas there”.

But those poor blokes are trembling in their boots and weeing from their tiny shrunken tippy tappies. Enter the air force! And not just yours at that, remember those sheep you managed to convince with your big puppy eyes? Turns out they’re not only willing to send you some extra dosh to carry out your little extermination operation, but they’re also gonna send some of their military might your way to carry out some “reconnaissance” *wink wink*.

So, congrats, the field is now set for operation Daggers of Steel. This is the playbook. It’s very simple really, you need to go for maximum collateral damage. This is how you do it

• Go for the defining landmarks. The taller the better, because it’ll have more cockroaches inside it. Gotta save those precious bombs for the next one on the hitlist right?
• Go for high density areas. Refugee camps: Check. Schools: Check. Mosques: Check. Hospitals: Check. The bombs don’t come for free!
• Go for safe zones. Drive the cockroaches to a promised (*wink wink*) safe zone, and then bomb the hell out of it.

And when ANYONE asks you ANY question about ANY of the stuff that you’re doing like the killing of baby flies, or the bombing of whole ant colonies, or the snipering of medic ants and their ketchup covered fly patients, all you gotta do is to revert to the golden catchphrase of the century:

“There was Hamas there”.

Mission accomplished.

As for the few left here and there, let mother nature take care of that.

The following shouldn’t have to be stated, but such is the age and time we live in. Common sense is in very short supply.

Disclaimer (once again just so we’re crystal clear): Criticising a state doesn’t equate to criticising its civilians as a whole, nor the state’s or the majority of its civilian population’s religious beliefs.